Sunday, January 31, 2010

Thankfully Those Days Are Past

A dear friend of mine, we'll call her Alisha, told me that she recently filed for divorce. It was years in the making. I've been aware of trouble, not necessarily to the extend that finally brought them to divorce. Isn't there always a string of events that causes the demise of a marriage?

In speaking with another friend, we'll call her Casey, a few weeks ago, she is now in the final stages of her divorce. She's moved on. Actually, she's moved cities, found someone old and made him new and is working on rebuilding her life.

Alisha is at the very, very beginning stages of understanding what divorce feels like. She grew up in church and was taught and believed that marriage is forever. She and her husband have been involved in church in various capacities and I'm certain she thought this would never happen to her.

I can totally empathize. Both friends' experiences bring me back to my first marriage and ultimate divorce. I was married on paper longer than I was in person. I married a man that I had known and dated on and off for over 15 years. I should have known that if we broke up as often as we did, then the likeliness that we could make a marriage work would be a pipe dream. It was a horrible experience. I mean the majority of it. The marriage had a super brief honeymoon and then it just got dramatically worse.

And still, I was devestated to watch it unwrap. I tried with everything in my being to convince him not to end it. I finally had to give in because as soon as he decided he wanted out he never turned back.

My heart hurts for my friends. Alisha, has three children under the age of 10. I see her updates on social networks and there are words like depression, not wanting to get up in the morning, trying to just make it through the day. And my heart breaks.

My other friend, Casey, seems more ready to move on. She too has children, two of them under the age of eight. I think part of where she's been able to get to emotionally also stems from the new guy she's found and how unhappy she'd been for so long. But I hurt for her as well. I know that her family has their thoughts on her new life and the support for her simple is not there.

I want to make a point to reach out to both women and to remind them and encourage them that their feelings of loss will subside, that there will be a better day and that the sun will eventually shine again. It's so much easier to live in the moment of the sad times and I remember all too well how I'd find myself wallowing in the grief of the loss and wondering what I could have done differently or better.

In reading this post let me ask you one favor. Please keep both Alisha and Casey in your prayers. Keep their kids in your prayers. Pray that their tomorrow's will be amazing as they both begin to reshape and begin their new lives.

1 comment:

Carol Maginn said...


What a nice and encouraging post... You are a great friend for anyone to have.

Actually in reading the post I actually feel gratitude for my own marriage. We have ups and downs too, but so far we are still going...

So... I think I will go give him a hug and let him know how loved he is.

Thanks for your post.